Fanciness Quotient

I've recently had a bit of a change of work scene, on secondment, not far, but different. It's super. When I got it people said, ooh, they're all so nice, and so fancy! These people looked a bit worried for me when they said it. Almost like they didn't think I was fancy...(niceness is a whole different story)

To be honest I was a bit worried myself. After the foot-bag debacle, I often wonder what other beauty-fashion-style tips, tricks and moments I'm missing out on. I continue the facade of being an actual girl, an occasionally girly-girl, maybe a little bit fancy, but under real scrutiny it's hard.

I got engaged over the festive. The ring didn't fit my stumpy finger (let's call it big-boned), so off I went for my first visit to a ring shop. I've never really worn a ring. I didn't even know ballpark answers to the questions. I didn't even understand some of the questions. Is it worth risking faking it, for something you'll have to wear forever...?

Hairy Mr had employed quite a rigorous criteria in picking the ring all by himself, I was quite impressed. He thought I'd be mad if he spent too much (true), he thought one with a big sticky-out bit (?diamond...?) would get in the way and annoy me (probably true), he thought the "straight across ones" were boring, so he got "a spiky one". Brilliant. I think it's technically wishbone...and I actually think it's perfect, it elongates the big-boned beaut of a finger. But it was too small.

What size are you normally? She asked. Dress size, shoe size, bra size, height, weight, I can do. Ring size? Don't even know where to start.

Is the metal ok? She said...like, is it fit for purpose? Happy? Strong enough? The right colour? I have no idea.

Do your hands go up and down much? She said. Jackpot, I thought. I know this one - they are attached to my arms, they go up and down every time I move my arms, like the whole time! I'm not sure that's what she meant, she didn't appreciate me demonstrating. She didn't even find it funny. Not in a romantic moment like the sweaty palmed frantic trying on of rings you know nothing about. Does it fit? I don't know, how do I know if it fits? Can I jam it on? Does it not fall off? do I need to be able to whirl it round or wiggle it up and down?

Anyway, I got a ring that fitted, and this was not meant to be about that...

So I'm not fancy. But I think I'm getting a tiny bit fancier, by osmosis, lapping it up from the office. I have found a gap in provision for those who aren't just all that fancy, but might want to branch out.

I've been buying new fancy fruit. (on offer, mother). And I think fruit is the one food that doesn't come with instructions. How are you supposed to know what to do? Peel it? I don't want to be the one chowing down on a pineapple, skin and all, just because it sounds a bit like an apple...

I felt so fancy buying figs. I kept them at the top of my basket. I told too many people. Oh excuse me, did I accidentally bump you with my fig-filled basket? Do I need a bag? Oh for my FIGS? No, no, people who buy figs also bring canvas shopping bags. Having to research what to do with them brought me back down to earth.

Pomegranates - same. How in the name of God do they make a juice out of it? And how do you get the little beasts out? The Jamie Oliver hit it with a spoon and they all scatter beautifully on the plate thing? Doesn't work out like that. It's pretty messy, but tasty. I'm still deciding if it's worth the effort.

The most recent entry on the fruit with no instructions list - Sharon Fruit. Doesn't it sound nice and amiable, friendly, ordinary, maybe Brummie or something? Almost not fancy. Until you realise it's actually called Persimmon. Who could be an uppity public school boy. Definitely not a Sharon, but there we are. It looks like a yellowy orange tomato. I haven't eaten one yet. Apparently there are two kinds (you can get a serious grounding in all things fancy from a bit of googling), one of the kinds you eat when barely ripe, crisp and taut, the other you eat when it's really soft and squishy, otherwise it's disgusting.

I think Sharon's the crisp, taut kind. I think.

Getting fancier, one fruit at a time.