Sunday 14 July 2013

Extras...

I'm going to try some more sewing too...maybe even with pictures, from far away so you can only see the general effect, not the actual messy handiwork.

At some point in the future, sometime, probably. Maybe.

Reappearance, vitamins, moody coos.

Well, hello there, where have you all been? I've been busy writing time-sensitive posts, the "this post will self-destruct in 5 seconds..." kind. You probably missed them.

Anyhow, I am endeavouring to be back, to make writing part of my plan. I've just had a week off work, and discovered how very intolerant and moody I am. Now anyone who actually knows me may not find this to be a huge surprise, as far as I've been told I've been prone to grumpiness since my very early days, but I think I am now worse. I think my reserves of calm and tolerance have been lowered. Actually, how I see it, which fits quite well with a Buddhisty thing I think I posted before, about emotions or personalities being like the sea where you can have a depth of calm, which isn't fazed by storms and waves, or you could be at the beach end of sea, where every thing is lived out in that top wee bit, every wave, high, crash, storm, splash is all you have, now I wouldn't say I'm in the latter group, I like to hope I have some depth, but it's a bit like now I have a shipwreck or something on my seabed. Or a giant sea monster maybe, or a rock, at least that is erodible...so that's changed the profile of my feeling, sometimes it doesn't get in the way, and I'm calm and tolerant, but sometimes the monster gets very in the way, and the waves and crashes have nowhere to go.

That makes me sound a bit mental...

So, I have a new plan, I think I need to do things to improve this. Generally I think I'm fairly happy, so not my mood in general as such, more my reserves, to flatten out the ups and downs a bit. Maybe I'm a bit manic...mood controllers, there are probably lots of things that affect moods, I've changed some over the last year, like trying to stay away from negative people, who moan and groan, and try and trick you into moaning and griping too, until you've accidentally agreed you hate everything, and everything is horribly unfair, and woe is you, it really is a slippery slope with some people...best to steer clear. I've also tried to adopt some perspective, in a fairly crude way, where I think "is this the worst thing that could happen?" generally the answer is no, and I can stop worrying, so I'm probably less of a worrier now. The bits I've paid less attention to are the things I do, I know i feel better if I do exercise, get fresh air, and am generally fitter, and I know I've been moaning about being a chunker for a long while, so changing those will make me feel better, and food, and drink, these definitely affect how I feel. Whether in a mood enhancing or a fatness/thinness way I'm really not sure. Either way the better I eat, the better I feel, the less caffeine I have the better I feel, and I have started getting the most godless hangovers (now that I'm old), drinking doesn't seem to suit me much anymore.

I am going to try to fix these things, I'm doing a pedometer challenge at the moment, I'm going to start running again, netball season is starting soon, I'm going to eat straight forward food, I really don't mind boring once I get started, and drink less tea and coffee. I'm hoping the side effects of this will be me being less moody and irritable and generally nicer (I'll soon find out which are actually character traits and cannot be blamed on ingestion...), slim lining a bit, having beautiful glowing skin and a glossy coat...and maybe one day being happy having my photo taken...

I'm also taking vitamins, I'm anticipating a big placebo effect of these probably, but who knows, the might do me some good on the inside too, some vitamin B(chosen because it had pictures of little tablet with sweatbands on...I have a sweatband on order...), vitamin D + calcium, as we're severely lacking in sunshine up here, and vit D deficiency seems to be getting trouble for causing all kinds of things these days, and fish oil, because my mum thinks fish oil is the saviour of the universe I think, and she's right about most things (annoyingly...). A fairly watertight method for self prescription of vitamins I think.

I'm going to write too, in the hope that it'll be calming, or therapeutic maybe. I did consider going to bereavement counselling, but I don't think I really I need it, I think I'm getting on ok, you surely have to be a bit sad sometimes, as long as your overall face is leaning towards happy I think you're generally ok. I might have to write some secret bits I suppose, if they are not for public consumption...not in ay kind of incriminating way, just in a peerie bit secret way. We'll see, I'll not tease you when I do with ay kind of hints or clues, or dramatic proclamations. That would be mean.

I've boiled an egg for tomorrow's breakfast, to have with some beans (exciting I know), and have some salary stuff for lunch. Pretty sure I'll be thin when I get home. LOL, JOKES. Eugh, I shouldn't do that. I mean, pretty sure I'll be happy when I get home...

Night all.