Friday 24 November 2017

My new life, leak proofing myself

She was waking up, but it seems to have just been a sleep-roar, so I might aswell crack on while I'm on a roll.

Now this is really an early weeks one, thankfully not so applicable now. Also thankfully, for me, the hideousness of NHS issue maternity pads did not last long, and I graduated out of those nappy-like ensembles pretty quickly. They were almost more traumatic than anything else in the having a kid process.

Now, I am not one to let things go to waste, I'm a bit of a hoarder, I don't really like throwing things out and I love a bargain, so when I asked my gallant knight in shining armour to get rid of the government issue maternity pads I got in my baby box, he was immediately suspicious. Obviously once he had dealt with the hilarity of being involved in some way with "fanny pads", I mean at only 37 years old who can blame him, what's not hilarious about all feminine hygiene products? So after putting the whole pack between his legs in a not too far from the truth impression of me in the hospital, "Is it not a bit of a waste? Can't you like...use them for something else..?" he says.

Something else? Like what? Dressing gunshot wounds, stemming the blood flow after a mortar attack in a makeshift field hospital? Beyond that I'm not sure I can put them to use (I'm sure my mother will come up with a million handy uses, and give me trouble for chucking them...watch this space).

But I did have to replace them, because it turns out when you have a baby you can't just have a shower and get dressed like anyone else. Having washed like a relatively normal person (provided someone else is on hand to see to the miniature person, otherwise you have to wash like you are in some kind of frenzied supermarket sweep style bathroom competition - go high value first, prioritise! Body wash! Shampoo! You can take or leave conditioner, come on, the baby might cry, you can wash your face anytime damnit, and who needs to be fully dry, hurry!) so having washed, and dried, at a relatively luxurious mildly hurried pace, only to find out you are still dripping, thanks boobies, you have to get entirely leakproofed and dressed before you can do anything. And inevitably the first thing you will do is get the boobies out again. The never ending cycle continues.

Thankfully it is far, far from that bad now, I can almost laugh at the misery, looking back. And that's after a c-section, I'm sure it could have been a whole lot worse. Still spring the occassional leak in the bra dept, but thankfully I've usually got that covered.


1 comment:

  1. Indeed, if you cut them up and mix with compost they could help improve the water retention for plants

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